It doesn’t matter if they’ve been naughty or nice, every NHL team is getting a gift from us this holiday season.
Some of these gifts are clearly off their wish lists. Other gifts are the kind that you don’t realize you need until you’re given it, and then it makes perfect sense. And yeah, some of them are definitely gag gifts.
Here are 32 presents for 32 NHL teams this season. Here’s hoping it’s a happy and healthy holiday for all of you.
Atlantic Division
The Bruins have been the best team in the NHL through the first three months of an all-in season, trying to win the Stanley Cup in the potential swan songs for Patrice Bergeron and David Krejci. If only there was a player who could bolster their Cup chances in the short term and give the Bruins a long-term replacement at their soon-to-be thin center position.
Buffalo Sabres: To get those eight games back
The Sabres did as the Sabres do earlier this season, winning seven of their first 10 games and then stepping off a proverbial cliff with an eight-game losing streak, all of them in regulation. Then Tage Thompson ripped off 14 goals in 14 games, they improved defensively and the promise of the season’s start appeared to be fulfilled. Imagine where they’d be without that winless skid?
When the Red Wings went on their decades-long run of championship contention, they had a collection of home-grown, focal-point players who led the charge: Steve Yzerman to Sergei Fedorov to Nicklas Lidstrom to Pavel Datsyuk to Henrik Zetterberg. They’d import a few more, too.
The current Red Wings have some great players but not transcendent ones. It’s tough when a team misses the playoffs for six seasons and potentially doesn’t have a franchise player to show for it — although if Moritz Seider can be last year’s version more than this season’s player, he’s a contender to become one.
Once Carolina plays its outdoor game in 2023, there will be four franchises left that haven’t played in one: Newbie Seattle, current basement dwellers Arizona and Columbus, and the Panthers. Don’t know where, don’t know when, but the Panthers have achieved enough consistent success and boast enough star power to warrant a trip outdoors. Battle of Florida, outdoor game? Who says no? Besides, you know, the barometer.
Dach is well on his way to having the best season of his four-year NHL career, immediately rewarding the investment (first- and third-round picks) that the Canadiens made to land him in a trade from the Blackhawks. The third overall pick in 2019 was off track in Chicago, and the Canadiens deftly determined that he had more to give with a change in scenery. That’s what good front offices do. Montreal just needs to do it a few more times, particularly on defense.
Ottawa Senators: Ryan Reynolds’ ownership stake
I’ve never been more convinced of anything in the NHL than I am that Ryan Reynolds can make us care about the Ottawa Senators. “Welcome To Wrexham” is terrific. In “Wrexham,” part of the story is that connection between a team and its city. Reynolds has such an affinity for the city of Ottawa. The Senators might not be facing relegation, but having Reynolds invested — literally and figuratively — in the success of the franchise would infuse the Senators with much-needed relevance.
Or, failing that, he shows up to the board of governors meeting dressed as Deadpool.
We took a lot of flak for listing the Lightning’s jersey last in our Reverse Retro rankings for the worst 1990s resurrection this side of a nu-metal revival.
So let’s meet in the middle: You can keep your goofy bolts down the sleeves. But we get to erase those corny rain drops on the front that make it look like the Lightning just skated out of a winter carnival confetti drop. Deal?
The schadenfreude party that’s been held for the Leafs when they inevitably exit the playoffs in the opening round? It has long lost its appeal. Let’s get them out of the first round.
We’re not even talking about seeing Toronto make a serious push for their first Stanley Cup since 1967, although that could assure that general manager Kyle Dubas and coach Sheldon Keefe keep their jobs. We’d settle for a second-round elimination. Wouldn’t a chaser of vibrant hope make another Leafs failure all the more satisfying? Of course it would, you sick haters.
Metropolitan Division
At some point, promise and potential have to manifest into opportunity. At some juncture, playing the game to analytic dominance has to produce results that meet those expectations.
Carolina made aggressive moves for veterans Brent Burns and Max Pacioretty and will undoubtedly make another one at the trade deadline to further bolster this group. But a team can bubble under the surface only for so long until it loses its fizz.
Elvis Merzlikins has the raw ability and physical skills to be a No. 1 goalie in the NHL. He is, at the moment, the worst goalie in the NHL in goals saved above expected (minus-18) and wins above replacement (minus-2.7). He’s also in the first year of a five-year contract with Columbus. None of this is ideal.
Here’s hoping the player Columbus thought would solidify their goaltending — and one of the crease’s most entertaining players when he’s on — can figure things out.
The Devils have hit a rut lately, as their cushion in the Metro Division standings has evaporated. Slightly more concerning: They don’t seem to have the same confidence they exhibited during their torrid start. That “we can score on anyone at any time” swagger.
Did Dr. Evil steal their mojo or something? Can they get it back? Is a Dr. Evil reference in 2022 still relevant? So many questions …
The Islanders might not have the bounty that the Coyotes are seeking for Chychrun, nor might GM Lou Lamoriello have the appetite to send that much away in a trade. But as Hans Gruber once said: It’s Christmas. It’s a time for miracles.
Chychrun would be perfect for the left side of the Islanders’ defense. Lou loves to build from the back. With his contract, he’d be a foundational player for the Islanders going forward.
Just a little trinket that Jacob Trouba can hand out when he makes a new friend through devastating hits, abject physicality or on-ice trash talking. That way they know they’re forever bonded, like Trouba is to Andreas Athanasiou and Sidney Crosby and Seth Jarvis and … well, this could end up being longer than Santa’s list. Also, we’ll just go ahead and assume that these are slap bracelets.
Obviously, every team wants the chance to draft Connor Bedard, a generational talent with a shot that gives opposing goalies the night sweats. Could he instantly reverse the Flyers’ fortunes? Probably. But he’s too silky for Philly.
Adam Fantilli? Now that’s a Flyer. Craig Button (TSN analyst) told me the 6-foot-3 center attacks the net like a dog does a bone. A bludgeoning prospect who could still return the franchise to a place of prominence and villainy.
I’m sorry, but I simply refuse to believe that Jagr’s NHL run ended with 22 inconsequential games with Calgary and not with the nostalgic joy of a Penguins reunion. He recently took the ice at 50 years old in an emergency stint with his Kladno team. Can he keep up with the current NHL? Of course not. He’s 50 years old.
So, sign him to the league minimum, “Hornqvist” him in front of the net on a power play that’s currently in the bottom third of the league and watch grown men weep as Jaromir Jagr wears the Robo Penguin again.
While it won’t exactly help Washington’s salary-cap situation, we’d love to see Backstrom make his comeback from a hip resurfacing surgery to become an effective player for the Capitals again — if nothing else, to have him as an active participant as his career teammate (and commercial co-star) Alex Ovechkin chases Wayne Gretzky’s goal-scoring record.
It’s weird not to have Backstrom there. It’s like if “The Simpsons” became the longest-running scripted series in prime time and someone else was voicing Marge.
Central Division
The Yotes are a frisky, competitive team with a deepening prospect pool; stable ownership, especially in comparison to what preceded Alex Meruelo in the desert; but most of all, a new arena in Tempe that appears on its way to public approval and could keep the Coyotes in Arizona for decades.
Due respect to the singular joys of Mullett Arena, let’s skip the next three seasons of 5,000-capacity home games and get to the new abode.
The expectation is that Jonathan Toews and Patrick Kane will be wearing different uniforms soon, if not at the trade deadline then next season. With that, the page will be turned on the current incarnation of the Blackhawks … save for the 28-year-old defenseman whose new eight-year contract just kicked in.
Seth Jones is due to make $35.5 million in salary over the next three seasons, all of which should be rebuilding ones for Chicago. His $9.5 million cap hit is tied for the fourth highest among defensemen, he has a full no-move clause and he is minus-21 this season. Stan Bowman’s Hail Mary to keep Chicago competitive is now Kyle Davidson’s cross to bear.
Look, there’s a reason Nazem Kadri and the Colorado Avalanche parted ways after winning the Stanley Cup together. He is 32 years old, and he wanted a long term on his new deal. The Avs felt there were younger, more affordable options inside their own system that could ascend to second-line center.
But don’t it always seem to go that you don’t know what you got ’til it’s gone? They’re going to spend at the trade deadline looking for another player like Nazem Kadri. If only they could have held onto the one they already had, in hindsight.
The 23-year-old has that “it” factor that NHL fans hope and pray their stars embody. Robertson has a high-octane offensive game that’s magnetic. He has a delightful personality off the ice and a unique backstory among NHL players.
As Alex Ovechkin and Sidney Crosby reach their sunset years, Robertson is the kind of player you want carrying the torch for the next generation. Dallas has a special one in Robertson.
Filip Gustavsson has been one of the best stories of the season, going from a hasty Plan B when the Cam Talbot situation blew up to 5.9 goals saved above expected in 12 games played. He has a .922 save percentage.
Fleury … doesn’t. The veteran goalie has played at a replacement level since winning the Vezina Trophy with the Golden Knights in 2021. The Wild could make some noise in the West if Fleury played like he did that season. But alas, Father Time is undefeated in the NHL.
The Predators are stuck in that hockey purgatory where they’re not a contender in the West, but they’re also not going to enter a rebuild — at least not with Filip Forsberg, Roman Josi, Mattias Ekholm, Juuse Saros and others locked in through 2024-25 at a minimum.
With a roster that’s difficult to blow up, the Predators have to find a way to maximize their veterans’ window. (Waiving 23-year-old prospects probably isn’t that way.)
There isn’t a roller coaster at Six Flags St. Louis that comes close to the thrill ride of this Blues season — from three wins to eight losses to seven wins to eight losses in 10 games to four straight wins.
It’s a season with the serenity of Jordan Binnington conversing with an opponent’s bench, and it is exhausting.
Quick: Who was the second-leading scorer among defensemen in the NHL through 32 games? Cale Makar? Adam Fox? Quinn Hughes?
No, friends, it was Josh Morrissey of the Winnipeg Jets, with 38 points in those games. Morrissey is having a whale of a bounce-back season and will shatter his previous offensive career highs. It’s beyond time for the Norris Trophy chatter to catch up to his season.
Pacific Division
Let’s just sit all the Ducks down in a giant auditorium and have some expert in their field explain how not to average 3.33 expected goals against per 60 minutes at 5-on-5 when your goaltending has a .909 save percentage.
I think GM Pat Verbeek knows a guy.
GM Brad Treliving deserves credit for doing what needed to be done last summer to keep his team contending after Johnny Gaudreau and Matthew Tkachuk peaced out.
But the Flames still lack what they brought to the table: game-breaking offense and that ability to get a goal when they need it most. (Remember, a combined 82 goals in 2021-22 left with those players.) When a team is 7-5-6 in one-goal games (.389), it could use another scorer on whom to depend.
Once again, the Oilers’ two megastars are going to carry this team until their backs give out. What do they get for the effort? A porous defense corps playing in front of a half-decent rookie goalie in Stuart Skinner and a decidedly indecent Jack Campbell, who has a nearly minus-11 goals saved above expected.
Different year, same story — and not one that Connor and Leon want to hear anymore.
Los Angeles Kings: ‘Burger King’ Reverse Retro jerseys
Make no mistake: The Kings’ two Reverse Retro jerseys are gorgeous, with the gold and the “Forum blue.” But the true Reverse Retro spirit is one of kitsch and transformation — that is, making yesterday’s cringe into today’s stunning look.
So obviously, the Kings should bring back a remix of their “Burger King” jerseys for the next Reverse Retro release. Hey, if the Islanders “fish sticks” jersey can be treated with normalcy, why not the ghostly visage of a king on a gradient nightmare of a sweater?
Again, the holiday season is a time for miracles. So why not gift the Sharks with the opportunity to get out of the past four years (with $7 million average annual value) of a 35-year-old defenseman’s deal, even though he has a full no-move clause and has been a shell of himself for several seasons? We mean, before the inevitable buyout?
Buoy is a try-hard, sub-Gritty plushie. Your team is called the Kraken, playing in a city known for a market with airborne fish, and you don’t create a mascot with a nautical appearance?
I don’t care that legions of young fans are pulling Buoy toys off the merch shop shelves. Congrats, you sold a troll doll; talk to me when you turn an anthropomorphic tentacle into a cuddly mascot and a bestseller.
You know those games in which you’re dealt a hand then choose which cards you want to keep and which ones you want to toss away — only to replace them on the next draw? The Canucks should be able to do that with their roster.
Hold Elias Pettersson; Quinn Hughes; Thatcher Demko; maybe J.T. Miller; Bo Horvat, so they can trade him; and perhaps a few others. Then select some new cards and hope that their owner doesn’t mess up this hand.
We’re not just talking about on the ice — although having the Golden Knights avoid the rash of late-season injuries that probably cost them a playoff spot last season would be preferable. No, we’re talking off the ice, where 4-year-old Evelyn Pietrangelo faces several months of rehabilitation after developing encephalitis while battling the flu around Thanksgiving. She developed a lesion on her brain and lost her motor skills.
As her father, Vegas defenseman Alex Pietrangelo said, “It’s pretty scary for Mom and Dad.” Here’s hoping for the best of health for the Pietrangelo family — and for any parent facing this kind of nightmare.
Jersey Foul of the week
From the land of flaming tables:
This Josh Allen slug jersey I saw tonight is something special pic.twitter.com/W7f6lLIxJ4
— Steve Gajewski (@Steve_Gajewski) December 18, 2022
Adding another athlete’s name and number to an NHL jersey is very much a Foul, such as with this Buffalo Sabres Josh Allen sweater. However, Jersey Foul rules would allow a Sabres fan to put Tage Thompson‘s name and number on a Buffalo Bills jersey under the Sports Infiltration Clause.
Video of the week
Linesman Dan Kelly worked his 111th NHL game when the Toronto Maple Leafs faced the Tampa Bay Lightning on Tuesday night. He’s had a split contract between the NHL and the AHL, following a seven-year AHL career as a player that was lowlighted by a 10-game suspension for a hit to the head of then-Toronto Marlies forward Andreas Johnsson.
It was during that game that he had this unorthodox moment of rule enforcement with Michael Bunting of the Leafs, literally shoving him off the ice after a fracas. (Mikhail Sergachev was fined $5,000 for slashing Bunting.)
Are you cool with linesman Dan Kelly shoving Michael Bunting off the ice 🤨 pic.twitter.com/wrnfDAYw7Y
— Tim and Friends (@timandfriends) December 21, 2022
“I think emotions just were high,” Bunting said.
What a weird deal here. The NHL never likes when its officials become the story, and this clip went viral quickly. One assumes Kelly has gotten the message on this one from the league.
Winners and losers of 2022
As we wrap up 2022, a quick look at what was up and what was down in the last year.
Winner: Nathan MacKinnon
No one wanted to win more in the playoffs than MacKinnon, and by that we mean no one was disgusted more by losing in the postseason. All of that work on the ice, and at times intense leadership off the ice, finally paid off. In case you missed it, my story on MacKinnon after the Cup Final, which might be my favorite piece I’ve written this year.
Loser: Vancouver Canucks
The biggest disappointment of 2022. A team that appeared to have the talent and the leadership to make a serious push in the Western Conference this season, but all the Canucks seem to make are headlines off the ice. Whether it’s the team president bemoaning a coach he didn’t hire or the star center’s contract talks blowing up before free agency, it’s a franchise adrift at the moment.
Winner: Alex Ovechkin‘s goal total
Ovechkin became the third player in NHL history to score 800 goals, amassing that total in over 450 fewer games than Gordie Howe needed, while playing against the best defensive talent the league’s ever seen. To think we’re only a few years away from him potentially breaking Wayne Gretzky’s career record of 894 remains mind-boggling.
Loser: Alex Ovechkin’s politics
Mention an Ovechkin achievement on social media and some of the responses will inevitably reference his support of Russian president Vladimir Putin, whose image remains on Ovechkin’s Instagram profile avatar. The Capitals star made a plea for peace after the invasion of Ukraine, but that did little to soothe those fans who wanted a denouncement of the war. For some, it’s an issue that clouds the history he’s made this year.
Winner: Offensive play
Last season’s goal-scoring spike wasn’t just an anomaly related to COVID-19. The trend has continued into this season, leading to star players’ gaudy point totals, highlight-reel goals and no lead being safe no matter what period it’s in. Just a gloriously fun time for the NHL.
Loser: International play
The NHL and the NHLPA agreed not to send players to the 2022 Winter Olympics in Beijing due to COVID-19 concerns, making it the second straight Olympics that didn’t have NHL players in the men’s hockey tournament. Then the planned 2024 World Cup of Hockey was postponed because of logistical concerns and, one assumes, the challenges of having Russia participate at the moment.
The idea that we haven’t seen Connor McDavid and Auston Matthews represent their countries in a best-on-best tournament yet continues to be a real bummer. Ah well, at least the women’s national teams continue to put on an incredible show on the international stage.
Puck headlines
Watch The Drop
The Drop, our NHL YouTube streaming show, took a look at Alex Ovechkin’s record chase and took you inside the NHL board of governors meeting. Be on the lookout for a special Winter Classic countdown edition of the show next week on the NHL on ESPN YouTube channel. Thanks for watching!